


Tickety-boo

by mythras_fire



Series: Friday Night Chats Plot-Bunny Factory [31]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, British Slang, Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog References, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fun Fact: real men giggle, Joss Whedon is a Creative Genius, Kylex brotp, M/M, Michael Guerin is a Snack, unless you're Captain Hammer and then it's... well you know, which means that a hammer is just a hammer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythras_fire/pseuds/mythras_fire
Summary: Alex’s gaze is already starting to drift away again over Kyle’s shoulder in the direction of where Liz and Michael are standing at one of the research tables in Michael’s bunker, heads bent over something alien-science-y.“Is he bringing sexy back and I’m missing it?” Kyle deadpans, “Oh noes, however will I cope?”Thatfinally gets a rise out of Alex and he turns to glare at Kyle, the tips of his ears turning pink. Well, the viewisreally nice from where Alex is standing, he has to say.“You’re just jealous.”“Of Guerin?” Kyle puffs himself up to his full height, which is still sadly shorter than either Alex or Michael. “That’s the dog’s bollocks! I could run circles around that bloke.”“You’re going to embarrass the shit out of Liz with that accent, and probably get yourself decked in the pub. Please ask her to record it, I don’t wanna miss out,” Alex retorts with a sly grin.
Relationships: Liz Ortecho/Kyle Valenti, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Friday Night Chats Plot-Bunny Factory [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1292960
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	Tickety-boo

**Author's Note:**

> For bgn <3
> 
> I had already started writing this ficlet the other day but after our recent convos about how awesome Joss Whedon is, today this story took a different turn and is now 1.5k words of crack for your geeky enjoyment.
> 
> The British slang terms used below and in the story title come from this very entertaining glossary [here](https://www.effingpot.com/chapters/slang/) and the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog quotes I used/altered come from [here](https://www.quotes.net/movies/dr._horrible%27s_sing-along_blog_101809). All characters, quotes, and pop culture references belong to their respective creators.

“And there’s going to be time in between seminars for us to tour the campus and at the end of each day we’re going to go sightseeing,” Kyle gushes, eyes alight with anticipatory glee.

“Uh-huh,” Alex replies absently.

“It’s gonna be my first time in the United Kingdom and I can’t wait to drag Liz all over Southwestern England to see all these epic historical sites I’ve only ever read about in books or seen in movies, y’know?”

“Uh-huh,” comes the same distant response. 

Kyle rolls his eyes in fond exasperation.

“It’s gonna be so great, man. Liz even promised to deploy her tentacles and she’s gonna let me go for a ride!”

“Uh-hu— wait, what?” Alex finally looks over at Kyle, incomprehension writ large on his face.

Kyle just smirks. “Welcome back. Did you enjoy your stay?”

Alex’s gaze is already starting to drift away again over Kyle’s shoulder in the direction of where Liz and Michael are standing at one of the research tables in Michael’s bunker, heads bent over something alien-science-y. 

“Is he bringing sexy back and I’m missing it?” Kyle deadpans, “Oh noes, however will I cope?”

_That_ finally gets a rise out of Alex and he turns to glare at Kyle, the tips of his ears turning pink. Well, the view _is_ really nice from where Alex is standing, he has to say.

“You’re just jealous.”

“Of Guerin?” Kyle puffs himself up to his full height, which is still sadly shorter than either Alex or Michael. “That’s the dog’s bollocks! I could run circles around that bloke.”

“You’re going to embarrass the shit out of Liz with that accent, and probably get yourself decked in the pub. Please ask her to record it, I don’t wanna miss out,” Alex retorts with a sly grin.

Kyle just grins like he’s already got it all planned out and Alex shakes his head in amusement because he knows Liz can pull off a badass English accent and the only one who’s really going to end up embarrassed is Kyle. He also considers for a moment letting Kyle go to England with whatever horrible understanding of British slang he appears to have, but he doesn’t actually want him to be sporting a shiner halfway through the medical conference so…

“And I’ll let Guerin know you think he’s brilliant, too, he’ll be so chuffed.”

“Chuffed? Ewww, is that a euphemism?” Kyle makes a frankly hilarious do-not-want face. “And, wait, I-I didn’t say anything about—”

“Could be, Kyle, what do you think it means?” Alex waggles his eyebrows while making a mental note to definitely drop off his book of British slang at the Crashdown before they leave tomorrow.

“Well, from the way your eyebrows have taken on their Dr. Evil pose there,” Kyle complains, pointing at said eyebrows distractedly, “I-I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.”

Alex laughs and finally lets him off the hook, “No, man, it means pleased, I was just taking the piss.” Okay, well maybe not completely. He’s having fun now.

Kyle narrows his eyes at Alex like he’s been holding an ace up his sleeve and has just played it to beat Kyle for the big pot at the end of the night. “Okay, now you’re just messing with me.”

“That is what I just said, yes.”

“Since when do you know all this British slang?”

“Since I spent ten years in the Air Force with a guy from Wales?”

“Oh,” Kyle’s face smoothes out, apparently not having considered such an ordinary-sounding answer. “Well, that’s cool, man.”

“It was, we had a smashing time skiving the older guys in Basic or else we’d end up fagging all the menial tasks they didn’t want to do themselves.”

“You’re still doing it, aren’t you?” Kyle deadpans again.

“Quite,” Alex says with a shit-eating grin. Then he leans forward to stage whisper, “Dude, did you know there’s another variation of ‘taking the piss’ where they say someone is ‘taking the Michael’?” Alex can’t help the giggles that bubble up out of his throat.

Kyle’s eyes widen comically. “What? No they don’t!” he replies way too loudly.

Alex can’t help giggling even more at his reaction and Liz and Michael actually turn to look over their shoulders at the escape hatch where Alex and Kyle have been waiting for their significant others to finish up for the night. Alex just waves sheepishly at Michael before smacking Kyle on the arm.

“We’re almost done here,” Liz calls over and now it’s Kyle’s turn to smile and nod adoringly at her. Alex smirks at how smitten his bestie is.

“Awww, you’re still arse over elbow for her, it’s so cute.”

“Okay, maybe I should just take you with me and you can be my interpreter,” Kyle deflects.

"Not bloody likely," Alex retorts sweetly.

Kyle pouts at that one because it's one of the few slang terms he actually knows.

“Or, I can just drop off the book of British slang Alfie gave me one year as a gag gift at the Crashdown on my way to work tomorrow so that you two can be swots together and have the whole thing memorized by the time you land at Heathrow.”

Kyle narrows his eyes again at the unfamiliar word, which somehow makes his cheekbones even more prominent, like they could cut glass. “Or that, yeah. Good idea.”

Challenge accepted.

“At least this way you’ll have a fighting chance of not getting your clock cleaned while you’re over there,” Alex teases some more.

“Hardy har-har. I know my way around a bar.”

“Pub. Short for Public House.”

“Pub. Fine, sure. Really though, Alfie?”

Alex chuckles. “Yeah, short for Alfred I suppose. It became an inside joke between us that if a memo came through for him that said “What’s it all about, Alfie?” then it was from me and was code for me asking if he could squirrel away and meet me for drinks or a walk or whatever.”

Kyle raises an eyebrow at the last part of Alex’s anecdote and it’s Alex’s turn to deflect. “Um, so, yeah,” he clears his throat, “you’ll see it in the book, but ‘the dog’s bollocks’ actually means something is brilliant, fantastic. It’s when you use ‘bollocks’ on its own that it means something is shit.”

Realization spreads over Kyle’s face and he has the grace to look a little sheepish in light of his faux-pas. “Ah, ok, gotcha,” he rubs the back of his neck as he checks on the Alien Science Bros.’ clean-up progress, which looks to have stalled since neither one has actually packed up their things and are still bent over the schematic they were working on earlier, which is not surprising in the least. “Bollocks, bad. Dog’s bollocks, good.”

Alex pats him on the head in a blatantly patronizing manner, “Good boy.”

“Oh, sod off,” Kyle grins as he pulls Alex’s hand out of his hair, checking the state of it with his other hand.

“Hey, you got one right!”

“Dude, we watched _Buffy_ together, remember? Spike said that often enough. You told me I had the cheekbones to be him for Halloween.”

Alex’s eyes light up at the memory. “Hey, yeah! You did, still do.”

“I dunno, I think you could give me a run for my money in the cheekbones department these days, Captain Hammer.”

“Mmmm, Nathan Fillion does have great cheekbones,” Alex sighs dramatically, fluttering his eyelashes dreamily.

Michael and Liz finally walk over with papers tucked under their arms right as Alex and Kyle point at each other like it’s a showdown at high noon, reciting in perfect synchrony: _“It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.”_

“Wow, and I thought Nerd Central was over on _that_ side of the lab but apparently I was mistaken,” Liz teases as she leans over to peck Kyle on the cheek. “Come on, Dr. Horrible, I’m gagging for a bit of crumpet,” she continues in her posh British accent as she disappears up the ladder, “and maybe afterward we’ll eat some food.”

Alex and Michael make twin ‘dayum!’ faces while Kyle turns beet red and rushes up the ladder so fast he almost comes tumbling back down as they wolf-whistle.

“So, does that make you Captain Hammer?” Michael asks quietly as Alex pulls him in for a slow, sultry kiss.

“Mmhmm,” Alex murmurs against his lips before he turns to place his good leg upon the first rung of the ladder. “Which makes you Penny and that means _you’re giving it up hard. Because you’re with Captain Hammer. And these…”_ he lets go of the ladder to hold up his fists in front of Michael’s highly amused face, _“are not the hammer.”_

Alex climbs up a few rungs before pausing to turn and quip over his shoulder at his grinning alien boyfriend, _“the hammer is my penis.”_

Michael throws his head back in laughter, gorgeous halo of curls bouncing in the incandescent light as he shoves his ridiculous human boyfriend up the ladder by his perfect, skinny-jean-covered ass. 

Michael listens to Alex singing happily, _“This is so nice / Just might sleep with the same guy twice / They say it's better the second time / They say you get to do the weird stuff!”_ as he closes up the hatch and practically skips up the steps into the Airstream.


End file.
